Now, let's start this out by me telling you that I fucking hate RPGs. I'm sorry. I know there are AMAZING RPGs out there, and epic stories and adventures and shit but, I drink way too much espresso and have way too short of an attention span (puppies!) to worry about which jewel I want to socket into a sword, helmet, or codpiece (I'm looking at you Diablo II). Just give me a goddamn rocket launcher, let me roll up on the set and shoot some aliens in the face. That's why they have faces, for shooting what with the rocket launchers.
OK, back on track. Since I have a hatred of RPGs, I typically shy away from games that involve any kind of RPG elements, such as turn-based battles, leveling up characters, and making choices about what magic cards/weapons/Pokemon/narwals to bring into battle. Basically anything game that gives you a numerical life counter makes my eyes glaze over. I've taken Calculus 2 (and 3!) enough times (5, I think?) to be done with numbers for a while.
Now given all of the above jackassery, to find myself playing, loving, and obsessing over this iPhone game is certainly out of character for me. It's called Sword & Poker and it might as well take one of my kidneys.
You play a weird looking girl (even though the game tells you that you're a dude, just like every other fucking game that isn't Tomb Raider). Seriously, bad haircut dude:
The game is played on a 5x5 grid (fucking numbers, I know, right?) and you make the best poker hand that you can between the four cards you are dealt and a row of three cards on the grid. You take turns with the enemy placing cards and making hands, the higher the hand, the more damage dealt, etc. It's not complicated; it's really easy to like, even for an RPG-hater like myself.
I've played through almost all of the levels (36), and actually did some grinding to get more money to buy a better weapon. Grinding, generally LAME, but in this game, I just went back to some of the earlier levels, kicked some ass, grabbed the loot, and loved every minute of it!
Even as I play it now, I still can't get over the fact that it's hooked me. It hasn't Peggle-hooked me (don't even get me started(I FUCKING LOVE PEGGLE)), but on the scale of giving me rabies to Peggle, I'd say it's an 8. Solid. Get it. I promise that your legs will fall asleep from sitting on the toilet too long at least once.
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